Another delayed post

I got my license and can LEGALLY drive by myself….:D <(Smile!) I’ll probably get a car in the near future, too.  I’m super happy about that cuz then I can visit   a  u  s  t  i  n   which will be super frickin fabulous!

s t o r y   t i m e

There once was a girl who got a doggie for Christmas. She uber loved him and he was her dog. She was his favorite person ever. Another bonus was that he was a drug sniffing dog and therefore hated the girl’s brother. Unfortunately, the dog basically only liked the girl. He would be aggressive towards other people especially if they acted like they were on crack ((aka the girl’s stupid parents)). The girl’s dad exhibited especially crack-head-like behavior. He was all about dominance and wierd stuff the girl couldn’t figure out. Since the girl’s dog was so kick-ass he was dominant, which the girl’s dad did not like. So, the girl’s crack-head family got rid of the girl’s dog. She was so sad and started crying. This made her mom yell at her because her mom is so fucking stupid. All her mom was doing was taking everyting out on the girl. Taking what out on her? The fact that the uber crack head of the family didn’t graduate that night like the lazy ass was supposed to. This obviously being the girl’s fault caused her mom to yell at her. Also that day, the girl’s favorite cat was taken back to the animal shelter. This was semi-understandable because the cat was anorexic and puked everywhere. It still made the girl sad. About a week later, crack dad decided to replace the girl’s dog with a dog that uber liked him. It was a fair trade, right? Replace a best friend of the girl with a dog that didn’t care about her. A dog that was only in love with her dad. Fair trade, right?

This is my speech from my Uncle’s funeral. I made everybody there cry and my brother told me it was beautiful. It was the hardest speech I’ve ever given… 

Two things cross my mind when I think of my uncle Ken.

The first are memories. I remember going to my grandma’s house and he’d be sitting on the couch. I would run over to him with my arms spread for a hug. Then I’d hit his stomach and we’d both start laughin. When Ken laughs,his stomach jiggles more, which I found hillarious.

The second thing that passes through my mind is regret. A few weeks before he died, my mom and dad went to visit him. They asked me if I wanted to go, but I said no thinking I had better things to do. I was wrong. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to get that chance back and to see him for one last time and to say good-bye.

I guess the moral of the story is to cherish absolutely everybody and don’t say anything you’ll regret being the last thing you say to them.

Live as if the world would end tomorrow. Because, unfortunately, it sometimes does.

This year = !@#$!%@$#&!@**#%@%$%# so far.

In January, there was a mild fire at my house. It’s May and we still haven’t moved back in. My brother and I live with my uncle now and I’m ready to  k  i  l  l  both of them!

My uncle has me feeling like Cinderella doing all of his chores so he doesn’t have to.

My brother keeps stealing everything of value of mine including but not limited to: $$ (!!), my two necklaces from the Bahamas (memories=gone!), all things pink (wierd, I know), my socks (this may seem mediochre, but try wearing the same socks for a week because of his stupid fetish!), 5 packs of Trolli gummy peaches (do not mess with the peaches!), and my air freshener (to cover up the smell of his smoking habbit that my mom is in denial about).

For Christmas, I got a dog, Nitro. I  l  o  v  e  him with a passion. He is my dog. He loves me. My dad wants to get rid of him because he’s  o  b  s  e  s  s  e  d  with this whole “dominance” thing.

so we might have to get rid of him :’(

 

I got a job at Pasta Pronto and it is stressful! I am so tired all the time now and it sucks big monkey butt. On the first day of training, my parents came and told me my uncle ken died. *see “fading”*

I never got to say goodbye to him *see next entry* and that sucks.

 

Next isssue of my life: William. He is the one person I can talk to about anything; stuff I can’t talk to my bffs about; stupid stuff; depressing stuff; a  n  y  t  h  i  n  g.

On May 5th, he got married in Jamaica. I wasn’t there. He’s also going to live in Ohio and I won’t get to see him as much as I rarely do now.

 

Summary:  t  h  i  s      y  e  a  r      s  u  c  k  s      a  n   d      i  t  ‘  s      o  n  l  y      M  a  y  !  !

Austin is perfect. 

He’s just the right mix off good boy/ bad boy. He’s got amazing green eyes and I melt every time I hug him. He’s even the perfect hugging height; just short enough so I don’t need to go on my tip-toes, but tall enough that he’s gotta bend over a bit. His sense of style is just what I would be in the form of a guy, a little punk but still decently christian. Not to mention he’s drop-dead-gorgeous (according to me, at least, and that’s all that matters). I love how I can talk to him comfortably and how he trusts me with his secrets. I love how every time I see him, he makes me smile, no matter how crappy I feel. But he makes it so impossible to feel crappy when he’s around. The crappy doesn’t last for long. He’s that perfect.

Ausin is amazing.

He’s this guy from my church who I absolutely love spending time with. I can only see him once a week, if I’m lucky, but the time I spend with him is absolutely worth it. He’s actually the reason I keep going to church. He has that much of a hold on my heart. Yeah, me, Miss Short Attention Span herself, would sit through an hour long sermon just for the chance to maybe see him. Yeah, I’ve fallen. Hard. He’s that amazing.

Austin is difficult.

He tried to commit suicide about a month ago. He hid his depression so well, he always seemed so happy and full of life. Why he would want to take it, I don’t know. But now he’s doing better. He’s been getting whatever help he needs and he can come home every weekend. In about 5 months, he’ll be finished with whatever therapy jazz he gets now and I can see him all I want. I can’t wait! He’s that difficult.

Austin is taken.

He has my heart. And he’s given his to a girl. And I’m not her.

I have a curse

It’s called hope

Everyday it crushes my soul inside and out til there’s nothing left of me

It’s my personal Medusa

One glimpse and I turn to stone, cold and heartless

I harden and shove everything I really am inside, out of reach

The curse doesn’t stop there

Every night the hope comes back to me

In the form of wondrous dreams

And for the time of unconsiousness, I drift along in the land of Hope

Only to have it smashed again the next day

But it’s all worth it

In just those few golden moments of the morning

It’s worth it

seize the day or die regretting the time you lost, it’s empy and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

i see my vision blur, i feel my memories fade with time, but i’m too young to worry, these streets we traveled on will undergo our same lost past

i found you here, now please just stay for a while, i can move on with you around, i hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever? i’d do anything for a smile, holding you ’til our time is done, we both know the day will come, but i don’t wnat to leave you

i see my vision blur, i feel my memories fade with time, but i’m too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one picture)

seize the day or die regretting the time you lost, it’s empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

newborn life replacing all of us, changing this fable we live in, no longer needed here so where do we go? will you take a journey tonight, follow me past the walls of death? but girl, what if there is no eternal life?

i see my vision blur, i feel my memories fade with time, but i’m too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one picture)

seize the day or die regretting the time you lost, it’s empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over, trials in life, questions of us existing here, don’t wanna die alone without you here, please tell me what we have is real

so what if i never hold you, or kiss your lips again? so i never want to leave you and the memories of us to see, i beg don’t leave me

seize the day or die regretting the time you lost, it’s empty and gone without you here, too many people to ache over. trials in life, questions of us existing here, don’t wanna die alone without you here, please tell me what we have is real

silence, you lost me– no chance for one more day

i stand here alone, falling away from you, no chance to get back home

 

seize the day

avenged sevenfold

Today was one of those days that lives up to my blog’s name. It started crappy and ended just as crappy!

<:-: First off, today was Mr. Sneed’s funeral (his wife is the awesomest math teacher ever) and that put a damper on the day. My brother was supposed to drive me there because it was during school but he forgot me. So I ended up walking in to the service a couple minutes into and didn’t even get to see Mrs. Sneed.

<:-: All day everyone kept interupting me and I never could get a word in edgewise whenever I even attempted. I hate being interrupted. It is the most annoying thing anyone can do to me, and it was done several times today.

<:-: At the end of school, I had volleyball practice and, since it was monday I needed a ride. (just for the record, I don’t have a license so my mom drives me home, but she has college classes on mondays) No matter how many times I called Nate, he wouldn’t pick up, just like he was ignoring me again. I tried calling my dad TWICE but he didn’t pick up. Apology? From him? You must be kidding. It was my fault. Duh. I didn’t call two hundred-twenty-two times, just two. I’m, of course, to blame. When I get home, my dad discovers his stupid ice cream is missing, and because I absolutely hate malt, of course it’s my fault. There’s no other reasonable solution, right? SO I, as usual, am blamed for everything in this house.

What a great ending to a perfect day.

<:-:~jwag~:-:>

How about something optimistic for a change? Happy thoughts!

and we beat our rivals! (I’m on JV and do stats) :-:>

and i’m not a freshie anymore!! :-:>

million dollar house with an aweshum view! Connections are great! :-:>

Augustana cd! I hEaRt JoSiAh! check em out, they’re great!  :-:>

That’s all for now

^my new signature ^

I don’t beleive in suicide

I guess that’s why I cried

When someone very close to me

Decided to jump off the family tree

Slowly but surely he’s fading away

I’m not sure if he’s still alive today

He won’t listen to any of us

Just calls her up and makes a fuss

She’s trying to push him far away

That’s why he fades a bit more each day

It’s gone to court too many times

But to his ears, we’re silent mimes

Restraining orders left and right

Their own flesh and blood is what they fight

Ever since his mother died

All he’s ever done is lied

He thinks he’s cured and needs no more

But he’s still fighting his inner war

He needs help, if only he’d see

Then he’d climb back onto the family tree

But for now he’s on the ground

His soul is lost, I hope soon found

He lies there slowly fading away

I only hope he has a happy birthday

To my uncle ken, hoping and praying for your safety as always.

Love,           

            Jamie

I saw him again

at his football game

and through all the sweat and stench

I wanted to passionately kiss him

he was beautiful

but

I can’t

because he’s not mine

and probably never will be

since I’m just the girl in his German class

just that girl

and nothing more

if only i could be

something more

if only i could be

someone he loves

if only he could be

this in l,o,v,e with me

if only

 

but what am I thinking

I’m not…

I’m

just

dreaming